(This was written by Dr. Shamanie in April 2 years post cancer in 2016)

Mark Twain said. ” There isn’t time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that.”

I just heard this quote on a Ted Talk about Happiness. The Harvard study is the longest study done in history, 75 years to be exact. It set out to ask what are the factors that contribute to one’s happiness and satisfaction in life? The answers that they hypothesized were fortune and fame. Of course, money and success would bring happiness right?

Wrong.

The conclusion of this study surprised many as the single factor that lead to happiness, satisfaction throughout life was GOOD RELATIONSHIPS. It didn’t matter how much money or fame or success one has, if they didn’t have good relationships, they suffered from more disease, less satisfaction, less happiness, and a lower quality of life.

The Clinic Director Vaillant puts it this way…

“There are two pillars of happiness. One is love,” he writes, “The other is finding a way of coping with life that does not push love away.”

And this is the job of a lifetime; to find a way of coping with LIFE that does not push LOVE away. It’s easy to love someone who loves you back. But how do you love someone who hates you? How do you love someone who you have had 10 years of conflict with? How do you love someone who has hurt you? How do you love someone whom you have a list full of grievances toward? How do you love someone you are afraid of? Whose very name on email makes you flinch? How do you love someone who doesn’t love you back? How do you love someone you are so mad at?

That’s the bigger question. But also the answer lies to the freedom of a tortured heart.

It feels like I’m in prison to be so mad at someone.

It feels like prison to hold unforgiveness towards another.

It feels like prison to see through the lens of fear.

And I have been in that prison.

I have lived behind bars for years, with unresolved conflict with my ex husband. I can tell you that I was even unaware at just how much weight this conflict had on me. I didn’t realize how much weight it was until it was lifted. And I will tell you, anger, sadness, unforgiveness, its soooooo heavy to live with. It was a weight that was almost sinking me.

And this is where the miracle happened. After I left the park that day… After I had given 40 love receipts out to complete and utter strangers… After I received 100 times the amount of LOVE that I gave… After my heart felt three times larger and outside my chest…..something happened that I had never ever planned for. I was driving my children to my youngest son’s game.

When we got there, I had to meet my ex husband so my youngest could get his game clothes on. We have been separated for 4 years and divorced for 1.5 years.

All of my three children were sitting in the back of the car. I parked the car. My ex husband came to the side door, and something happened. I literally watched myself as I said these words.

“I love you.” I said. “I am so sorry we have had so much pain and conflict between us. I want peace between us. I need you to know if I die young, that I love you and our children.”

I reached my hand toward him….and he reached his hand toward mine. We held hands for the first time in at least 4 years or more. With tears in his eyes, he said, “I love you Sham. And you’re going to be okay. And I’m going to be okay too.”

And then for two hours, we sat in kindness toward one another at our son’s game. The first two hours in what felt like an eternity of heartache and conflict with a 3-year contemptuous divorce.

So something amazing happened: In that moment I gave my ex husband Unconditional Love for $0 and in that moment, he gave it back to me. The best part is that my three children got to witness their parents at peace if only for 2 hours. My fear of dying young, didn’t have a place to reside anymore.

Unconditional Love had blasted its way into the deepest parts of my heart leaving no room for fear, no room for anger, no room for sadness. And all of a sudden, my heart felt free…..free from a prison of anger, free from a prison of pain and suffering, free from a prison of unforgiveness and sadness. And that was my miracle on April 24, 2016.

I don’t know how that experience will translate in terms of my ongoing relationships with my Ex. I do however know that I ended the war within myself with my Ex. Instead of reacting in fear and stress, I now can respond from a place of Unconditional Love. This place of peace instead of anxiety, this place of love instead of fear.

My heart was too full with the weight of unforgiveness.

My mind was too full of anxiety and fear.

My heart was too full with the weight of anger and sadness.

My mind was too full of all the things wrong that He he did to me.

So I have finally learned a way to cope with life to not push LOVE away.

My heart broke open with unconditional love that day

and came out of the prison of unforgiveness.

And the miracle is holding.